The following is an article excerpt from Intrigue, a monthly periodical offering in-depth coverage of current events, politics, culture, and business with an emphasis on long-form articles, photojournalism, and interviews. [Article originally published five months ago.]
THE SUBSTANCE SPIRAL:
A PERSONAL ACCOUNT
By Roxy Liene
The Struther Institute recently surveyed 600 people about substance use, and 81% of respondents considered it normal to experiment with drugs or alcohol while in college. Of the survey respondents who attended college, 73% reported using drugs or alcohol at least once while enrolled.
Even without the study’s results, it’s no secret how prevalent substance use is on most campuses, or how it’s a part of “College Culture.” I should know. I was one of those college students—part of that aforementioned 73%—who experimented with both drugs and alcohol.
I didn’t dive into that world right away and stayed relatively clean during my first two years of college. Sure, I had the occasional alcoholic beverage, but I’d only drink at parties. Parties seemed like the stereotypical image of what college life should be and drinking went hand-in-hand with that perceived experience.
Then came the drugs.
During my third year of college I grew particularly adventurous one night and tried Deltra. Compared to the other illicit substances on offer, I viewed Deltra as the “safest” option. It’s technically classified as a mind-altering/psychoactive drug, but I reasoned that it was natural—it came from a plant, after all!—and it was legalized for medical use. How bad could it be?
The first time I tried it, I hated it. I had a severe coughing fit, felt so nauseous I spent the evening hunched over a toilet bowl, and then ended up intensely paranoid for a couple hours. After that less-than-enjoyable experience, who’d want to try Deltra again, right?
Wrong. A week later I was at another party. It took a few drinks and some convincing by a handful of friends that I should give Deltra a second try. They claimed the first time’s always rough. I was still skeptical, but figured it was worth a shot. So, I tried it again. And they were right. The second time was everything they said it would be…and more.
A month went by and I quickly became a ‘Deltra disciple.’ I bought it on the regular from another student who seemed to have an endless supply. This was great, as I would smoke it once or twice a week. It didn’t take long for that to change. I started using it every other day. Then every day—if I could afford it. It turned into a nice escape from all the studying, the worrying about tests, the various social pressures, and a million other things. In my mind, any excuse to use Deltra was a valid one.
Then a friend introduced me to other drugs: Boost, Sensoral, and Nucaine. According to her, if Deltra made me feel good, those would make me feel great! Hearing that, how could I not try them? So I did, and each one topped the last. I was hooked. These new substances gave me a stronger, longer-lasting high—but they were also much more addictive than Deltra, which I was already becoming dependent on.
As I developed a desire for this new varied assortment of drugs, two things happened: money became increasingly tight and my grades went into free fall. This was what I would later call the “Substance Spiral” but, at the time, I was too consumed with how I was going to get my next fix.
And then I discovered the pleasure drug Aphrosia. I’d just met a guy, we started dating, and (thanks to Aphrosia) the sex was amazing! This turned into yet another addiction. I found that I couldn’t enjoy sex anymore without Aphrosia.
Shortly after, my then-boyfriend introduced me to Euphoria, which he claimed was the pleasure drug to end all pleasure drugs—and he was right. Euphoria was incredibly expensive, but he was well off and could afford it.
Taking Euphoria was both the best and worst drug-related experience of my life. It lives up to its reputation—I never enjoyed a greater sense of sexual pleasure before or since. To some degree, it was detrimental to future sexual experiences, because nothing could ever compare. Aphrosia was strong, but not in the same way “E” was. It’s hard to describe, but someone once told me the ‘release’ from Aphrosia was like a fire hydrant bursting—and Euphoria is like the dam giving way and releasing the whole reservoir. I don’t know if that’s an ideal analogy, unless you’ve taken both drugs, in which case it makes perfect sense.
Reaching climax on Euphoria made me feel like I ascended to some elevated plane of existence. In a way, it’s almost an out-of-body experience. The pleasure hits in increasing waves and the drug’s long-lasting, so that elation stays for a while. The problem is, when it’s over, you want it again. And again. Coming down from Euphoria is difficult, it’s as if you’re going from the greatest vacation of all time—a warm, sun-soaked tropical paradise—to suddenly dropping down naked into the coldest, dirtiest urban gutter imaginable.
Despite my new love affair with Euphoria, I did have some concerns. During this “Substance Spiral” stage, these worries didn’t include any of the drug’s obvious health risks, or the cardiac-related ones, which Euphoria is known for. But I was bothered by how my body went into auto-pilot while on the drug. More so than the other substances I tried before, it was scary how little control I had on Euphoria. And “little” is an understatement; there were times I had zero control—my body simply went into what I describe as “absolute carnal mode.” It would often take me multiple orgasms to begin to regain my faculties and, even then, it took a while to get back to normal.
I was addicted to Euphoria. I think I became addicted the very first time I tried it. Day and night, I would crave the drug. Thanks to my then-boyfriend, it was always in supply—until we broke up. I eventually dipped into my college savings to fuel this addiction, but the money didn’t last. Cheaper substances like Deltra, Boost, and even Aphrosia didn’t give me the high I now required from Euphoria.
The “Substance Spiral” continued, hitting hard and fast. I ended up dropping out of college and moved in with a friend. That didn’t last either. I couldn’t hold a job, couldn’t pay the rent, and couldn’t effectively function in daily life. Completing the most simplistic task became difficult. Combing my hair, brushing my teeth, or showering felt like monumental hurdles—yes, it got that bad.
I craved a high 24/7.
It was only after a forced intervention from my family and a long stint in rehab, that I finally got my life together again. It wasn’t easy, at times it was pure hell. But the support of my family and the patience of the counselors in rehab saved my life. Literally.
I’m now back in college and plan to graduate this year. My goal is a career as a substance abuse counselor. I hope to use my experience to help others avoid the “Substance Spiral” that I went through and, if the Struther Institute’s college substance survey is any indication, the need for counselors is at an all-time high.
Danger Zone One. Story by Midnight. Art by Salaiix.
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